Coffee Talk- Southern' Style

Okay, the following is a story that took place at the bank where I work in Nashville about a month ago. It was one of the funniest moments of my life and I will try to make that translate in this story. It may end up being one of those "guess you had to be there" moments. Here goes.

I'm sitting at my desk and I see 2 elderly women walking in the door. One has a cane, the other a walker. They also have with them a home care nurse. I immediately said "great" under my breath, certain they were going to be extremely difficult to work with. I greeted them and they came over to my desk. I will be calling them Ethel and Maude. It is to be noted that both had hearing aids in BOTH ears and everything was said at a volume of 140 decibals (a plane taking off). Also, Ethel had some serious dentures and everything had a sh sound at the end of it. They both also had the old time southern belle drawls.

SSB: How can I help you today?
Maude at the TOP OF HER LUNGS: HOW ARE YOU? Ethel, get your stuff out!
Ethel: I FORGOT MY GLASSHES.
Maude: What?
Ethel: I LEFT MY GLASSHES at HOME.
Maude: Well where did you leave them?
Ethel: I left my glasshes at home. Oh no wait here they are!

This continued for a few more minutes until they were both settled, glasses on, and hearing aids turned up. I helped them with some account information and balances while they continued to talk to me and each other at full volume. Ethel then started talking (read: yelling) to me about her schtate taxches (state taxes). She asked Maude about the check she writes for the schtate taxches and Maude told her it was Federal. Ethel continued to talk over her and Maude had to repeat herself at least 5 times. She was basically just shouting FEDERAL over and over again.

Now, I'm not sure if this sounds funny to you, but we were all dying. We see a lot of funny things at our bank, but this is the first time that I've had co-workers pull out their cell phones and record audio. My manager was also emailing me with his concern that one of their dentures was going to shoot out and give me a concussion. I couldn't look at anyone and was seriously having to bit my lower lip the entire time.

After about 20 minutes they were ready to leave, which took about 5 minutes to move them 10 feet to the door. The nurse was helping them and looked over at me and smiled. I really wanted to ask her how she is around that all day and doesn't die from laughter.

As soon as they left we all were rolling on the floor and tears were streaming down my face. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen and I still wish to this day I had the entire thing on video. It was truly like something you would see on Saturday Night Live.

I hope the humor translated. I wish each and everyone of you could have seen it with your own eyes. Your life would be changed forever :)